Friday, 24 June 2016

The Divided Kingdom - in response to the EU referendum


Today the people of the United Kingdom voted to leave the EU. Or rather, I should say ‘half’ of the people of the United Kingdom, for what shook me the most about the result today was how close it was.
          51.9% to 48.1%. These figures stand to symbolise the disunity of a population and the distance between generations. Is it not alarming that we can be so divided? Disconcerting that we can claim a democratic majority with a 3.8% difference? I would be arguing the same if the results had been the opposite. For in short: this is a divided kingdom, and what is worse, by making the decision to leave, we have defined ourselves by this division.
          I have felt the rise in paranoia. I have seen stances grow more extreme. I have heard the voices of children in my classroom parroting the prejudices of their parents, parroting the persuasion of politicians. And now, staring at that blue and yellow arch on the BBC News homepage, I see the first step on a bleak journey. The UK has made a choice. It does not want intelligent argument, thoughtfulness, research or fact. It is fear we want, emotion, rhetoric, even a bare-faced lie if it can get a reaction or one more vote. Not even the repugnant political personalities of Farage and Gove are enough to give second-thought to that heady mix of sensationalism and easy apathy that drives UK politics. Half of the voting population have elected a change that is still yet to be clearly explained or justified. What was the point again? Immigration? Economy? Freedom of … what exactly? Gove was right; we’ve had enough of experts. We just want to know who’s right and who’s wrong, who’s left and who’s right, who’s red and who’s blue, who’s black and who’s white. We want easy answers and to know whose side we’re on. But when we define ourselves down party lines, class divides and generation gaps, we can never be a united kingdom, no matter how proudly we assert it.
          Today I have looked in the faces of twenty-somethings and teenagers in tears, not because they are sad or angry or even disappointed, but because they are scared. They are scared of an uncertain future that is not in their hands, of opportunities closed to them; and more than anything, of how much their parents could betray them, putting their present fears over the next generation’s future worries. In a poll conducted by my school’s sixth form (largely made up of students merely months too young to be entitled to vote), 92% said they would vote to remain. So where are those frightened voices now?
          Lost in the chasm of that 3.8%.
          Blame too must perhaps be given to those 27.8% who did not vote. Who naively believed that the British people could not be so foolish, so misled, or so frightened to actually make this decision. Who had such blind faith in common sense that they did not feel the need to raise a voice for the common causes of reason and factual truth. But let this be the lesson learned: that rational, quiet voices can no longer tread water in the vitriolic sea of louder, deceitful ones – that sometimes, when sense is drowning, we must declare what is obvious to keep ourselves afloat.
          Before today, I had never seriously considered living anywhere but England. I had continued blithely in the belief that, for all its flaws, the UK was going to be alright. Indeed, the one redeeming quality of this ‘Great’ Britain was that it seemed to have enough humility in its present, and enough shame of its past, to get on quietly in one piece. But now I am not so sure.
          We have become arrogant and proud. I don’t want to live in a country divided down its middle, a nation no longer united, whose predominant message to the world is: “We don’t want you!” Because we can all hear that message, and one-by-one, we will all be turned away. We will turn away our professionals and our students, for we cannot promise a better life or education; we will turn away our artisans and academics, for there is no value in art or science here; and then we will turn away each other, as each of us who once voted to remain will vote to leave.
          What a sad little island will be left behind, trapped so close to the borders of the world, but with its doors shut, its windows barred, its fingers in its ears.
          I could be wrong. I cannot know. Impacts will barely be felt at first. But I still fear the route we are taking, the lines we are drawing, the future we are building. I want so badly to be wrong. But it is hard to be wrong in a country that has decided that it is so right.

Sunday, 19 June 2016

The Hole in My Door (a poem) - [2010]


The Hole in My Door

There's a hole in my door, a hole in the wood.
It lets in a draft, as any hole should.
It isn't a crack, or a fracture, or tear,
and I do not know how or why it is there.
  
There's a hole in my door, the size of a coin.
I should know; I've measured it time after time –
each morning, using an old copper piece,
to see if it's grown even the least.

But the hole in my door has never once changed:
a penny-sized 'O', forever the same,
and perfectly framed by the frame of my door –
dead in the centre – I've measured of course.

There's a hole in my door, which I stare at, at night,
when the curtains are closed and they turn out the light;
but the light in the hallway finds its way through.
Through the hole in my door, it enters the room.

There's a hole in my door that lets in the light.
I sit up and stare when I'm in bed at night,
holding my covers tight up to my eyes,
staring out over them, waiting to hide.

The hole in my door is enough for an eye,
to peek through and see me, to sit there and spy.
I see the light flicker and cover my head
and shut my eyes tightly and freeze in my bed.

There's a hole in my door, at which I still stare,
though my eyes may be closed and the covers still there.
‘Til, bravely, I dare to look then once more
and stare at the light through the hole in my door.

And the light will continue to flicker until,
tired with hiding and staring, I will
lay myself down, forgetting the eye,
to dreamlessly sleep in the flickering light.

There's a hole in my door, but they've seen it too,
easy to fix with some wood and some glue.
They measure the hole, the size of a penny –
perfectly round – how very uncanny.

So the hole in my door now lets in no light,
and now there's no hole to stare at, at night.
I hold myself tighter, and hide even more.
Now no one can watch through the hole in my door.

Thursday, 16 June 2016

Lumina (a poem) - [2015]


Lumina – a nonsense love poem

He loves her more than stars love silk,
or winters love the moon;
her heart – his eye – a crystal sphere,
beneath her tidal swoon.
He catches moondrift in his gaze
and settles stars to seen,
and when she leaves his sorry side,
his shadows start to gleam.
How radiant her face, so bright,
though dimmed in evening air:
the veiling breath of merriwind,
the flowers of the fair.
How sweet, how soft, how cruel, how lost –
the dancing of her whirl,
the carouselling of her cheek,
her sunset dying pearl.
He looks with longing, aching heart,
to see her face again,
but when he searches for his love,
she leaves him with the feign.
Cruel courtier – shadow girl –
spinner bound by night,
his glass will catch you in its stars
and glimmer candlelight.
Dear Lumina, you break my heart
when I must see you go.
I long for golden autumn when
my darling’s heart may glow.

Sunday, 12 June 2016

Thank you for the butterflies (a poem) - [2016]


Thank you for the butterflies

Thank you for the butterflies you give me –
trapped in the glass jam jar of my stomach,
my walls still sticky and sweet
no matter how many times I rinse myself through.

Thank you for the butterflies
that flutter inside my skin, tickling
with long wings. Their legs stroking and scratching
the thin fabric of my lid. Their proboscis tongues clinging
to my sugary sides.

(That’s how they like it, you said
 – sickly sharp and red – like one too many berries
on a Sunday afternoon,
or one too many spoonfuls of raspberry ripple.)

I poke holes in my belly to let them breathe;
I don't want them to die in me;
but at night,
when they keep me awake with their hummingbird beat,
sometimes
I just want to squeeze my stomach shut,
fill myself with acid and salt,
crush their folded bodies into a thin preserve
and squash them out.  
They unravel my intestines,
leaving me moth-holed
and cocooned,
not knowing how I will emerge
in the morning –
or what I should say if I do,

But thank you, anyway, for the butterflies you give me –
fluttering inside my skin –
their legs so sticky – so sweet.


Wednesday, 8 June 2016

The Whisperer (a poem) - [2013]


The Whisperer

He wandered from the whispering dusk,
his back turned to its orange hum, and
stammered across the fractured wastes
with his eyes set forward - 
heavy, dull.

An outcast,
he burbled over rocks and rifts
that cracked the dirt path etched ahead;
and muttering,
the whisperer fled.

Sunday, 5 June 2016

Dressed Up As Life (a poem) - [2012]


In my final year at university, I joined SUPS, the poetry society with whom I spent a shamefully small amount of time before graduation. Had I known about them earlier (or moreover had the courage to join sooner), I think I would have a lot more to show for my creative output that year. In many small ways - and a few larger ones - being able to sit once-a-week in a room with people sharing poems they liked or disliked or couldn't make up their minds about was probably the best thing I ever did at university. A little simple, a little sad perhaps (through some lenses), but I hope to find a similar community in the future - if only to kindle the buttfire that keeps me writing.

This poem was written in response to one of the society's weekly prompts, which was the following photograph by Richard Avedon as part of his 'Death and the Maiden' series:     



Dressed Up As Life

I.
“So, how do I look?” she asks,
and she flashes herself a smile.
“With your eyes, I’d expect,” he desponds after a while.
“Now none of that,” she snaps. “I’ve had enough of your lip.”
“I don’t have lips,” he mumbles, (and he thinks maybe he should flip
her the bird every time she looks away,
but then he’d drop the mirror, and it would shatter, and anyway,
she never looks anywhere but in that pane of glass –
that pain in the arse – if he had an arse – that he’d carried long past
its welcome, in his thin, unshaking grasp.)

His bones itch. He says so.
“My bones itch!” he groans.
“Bones don’t itch,” she replies, in condescending tones,
“and anyway, you look handsome, so just ... stand there! Keep it still!”
And he’ll stand there, looking handsome, in his itchy suit, until
she stops her admiring – whenever that will be –
and settles on retiring – at which point he’ll be free.
“Just kill me now.”

“Uh! Men!” she sighs.
“I’m not a man,” he replies. “I used to be, but—”
He stops and waves a hand between his thighs.
“Hold still!” she snaps. “Or I’ll get it all wrong.”
And she cries out in frustration as she drops a sparkling thong.
“Have I got nothing to wear?! Where are all my clothes?!”
“You’re wearing them,” he mutters. “They’re right beneath your nose.” 
And as she stands there naked, he fiddles with his clothes.
“I used to have a nose ... I used to have a nose.”

II.
She tries another outfit, flashing each a smile.
And he stands there, feeling itchy, as she takes another while.
He watches as she dresses and undresses from her dresses,
and regales the finer details of messing up one’s tresses
for that windswept look, which is “absolutely necessary,”
she says. “It’s what the young people wear this time of year.”
“You could always go outside,” he says, but the words escape her ear.
Though for a while her flashing smiles are fewer in the mirror.

She administers her poison with a knife that points with poise
onto her cheeks and her throat,
and bleeds a hinting, blushing rose
of red, “a little colour,” or so she always said,
“or else one runs the risk of looking all-together dead!”

He eyes the alabaster skin she took out on a loan,
stretching all too thin across her thin and pallid bones,
eyes her with his sockets, those empty holes he owns,  
knowing that she’s dying, and knowing that she knows.
And for all the wordless words that might escape his tongueless tongue,
she chokes herself with powder to fill her powdered lungs.
“How much longer—,” he wonders, “How much longer ‘til she’s done?”

III.
She stops.
It’s raining again.
She can see it on the glass.
It’s dribbling down her eyes. 
There to linger, not to last.
A melancholy dripping
In the crimson hourglass.
But this time it’s a downpour.
This time it might last.

“How do I look?” she whispers,
and she flashes him a smile.
“Like one of us,” he whispers back, and he stays there for a while,
just watching her through sockets, forgetting how to smile,
before his fingers come away and strike the bathroom tiles.

She steps out of the mirror. She holds her scarlet knife.
Dressed up as the living.
Dressing up as life.


Thursday, 2 June 2016

Unnatural (a poem) - [2009]



Unnatural

I perch here on this blackened branch,
the ashen limb,
where lightning struck and split apart
the bark and branded it black death.

Perhaps I shall make a nest here for my young.

Beneath the outstretched fingers of this
decaying bough,
lies a corpse, its eyes wide open,
all hope and vacant, clear, white canvas.

They have already picked the fear from them.

I could pick the bones, leaving
only memories
and the bullet still lodged in its skull.
It is only natural after all.

But I cannot feed the bullet to my young.